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Scarlet hue. I took a bite but I realized there was nothing. An inevitable illusion.
She held my hand and tears fell down from the sky. She was like an angel from heaven.
It was one cold winter night and I want to go back to her.

Pain will surge in your heart like a flowing stream when you know that the greatest sacrifices you’ve made were not worth it. And the mere thoughts of it bring some uncomfortable twinges in your mind. But the good side about it is that you know your heart is being strengthened by the Hand of our Loving Father.

There’s this burden in my heart. I don’t know if I can withstand.

Such heavy heart I have right now, I don’t even think a lot.

With all the sights, unhappy and melancholic scenes

I always put on a mask, white and black as usual.

Wearing a fake smile as gleams of light touches my face.

I am nowhere to be found. I’m in a never ending black hole.

Across the vast universe, you can see me floating.

Why am I not visible to anyone right now?

I miss walking in the winter, watching as the snow falls graciously.

I am creating a barrier. That no one could ever see.

And I am torn on what I like to do and what I need to do.

I hope someone would be able to find me.

I hope someone would ever care to look upon the mist.

For through it, you can see the crystal tears.

Tears that were product of an unending search for truth.

I am happy. But I am not.

I am here. But I am really not.

Where should I go? Where should I hide?

There’s nowhere. Only in the arms of an angel.

Well have you ever felt sad even when you don’t have any reason to be sad. Yeah at first you don’t have any clue why you’re sad but as you feel the melancholic mist swirling in your mind then you start to think and remember things that could be the possible reason of this bothering and not so good feeling. It is a burden.

Well that happened to me today. All of a sudden, out of nowhere I have this really heavy feeling in my heart which starts to make me feel sad. I really don’t understand it at first but then I try to recall things that could be possibly the reason for this out-of-nowhere melancholic feeling. Well the trauma starts here, when you start recalling or remembering things that could possibly be it, the reason behind all of these uncomfortable feeling. Because you start assuming that MAYBE, yeah maybe this things could be the one and only reason why I am feeling this way. Well it’s a little traumatic when you think of it, coz you’re starting to remember the situation or that thing or that event that make you sad and you started slowly to feel those feelings you had before during those moments. Well, it’s hunting in a way.

What I have learned during this battle, first that it’s really hard to control these swirling-like-tornado melancholic emotions especially when you are not that emotionally strong. Under these circumstances you tend to give in to your emotions and just go with the flow. Yeah ‘I’m sad’ said my emotion, so I am going to be sad. Second thing that I learned is that at the end of the day you will realize that it’s all in the mind. But the thing here is, not all can realize it at the end of the day and worse many will tend to give in to that feeling and will start living in it. Folks, I strongly believe that’s it’s all in the mind. How you fight emotions is not with another emotion but you build the battling arena on a higher place and that is the WAY YOU THINK. The way you see things and the way you perceive things can make a big difference.

I cannot say that I am expert in here; well what I could proudly say is that we’re all the same in here. We are like soldiers in a battlefield. But one thing I would like to share with you is that what makes me go marching on even though I can see the gigantic tornado of melancholy in front of me is the strong foundation that I have. I always carry with me the sword of faith which makes me feel that I can win this battle.

Well, I don’t know. This maybe the very first time that I’ve been so angry in my whole life. Angry with a person whom is so close to me and also with myself for being so weak. Yeah! you know what, I’m really angry to the point that I want to punch someone straight in the face. Well, I thought before that this feeling was only an exaggeration of people but I was wrong.

It is real.

Anyone can feel this. Maybe because that one person is really close to me and that its really hard right?.  Well, I don’t have still the courage to really talk to this friend about this.

For the cause is somehow vague and selfish. I knew it from the start but because of so many assumptions this made the situation worst.

Right at this moment, I really don’t have an idea on what to do in this kind of situation. I am just entrusting this to God.

Coz at the end of the day, I am feeling that I’ve just lost the moon while counting the stars…